Jennifer and Jonathan Hart were the perfect couple. They had good looks, an exciting life and lots of money. I know, it’s Hollywood, but hear me out.

Jennifer always looked at Jonathan with pure adoration in her eyes. It was like he was the only man in the room. And Jonathan was a huge flirt. He was always saying something to make her feel special and desirable.?The chemistry those two had on screen was pure magic.

Real life may not be as perfect as Jonathan and Jennifer Hart’s lives, but I feel like it can come close. All it takes is a little heart-centered effort.

My husband and I celebrated our wedding anniversary last week.

Don’t get me wrong, our marriage isn’t perfect. We have the same squabbles everyone else has like when I leave my work stuff all over the house or he’s watching Rocky for the 95th time. And who doesn’t have disagreements about how money is spent?

Communication – You know that saying, “you only hurt the ones you love?” It’s true. We take our loved ones for granted, and say things to them we wouldn’t dream of saying to anyone else. In our house, we have a way to stop that dead in its tracks. If I say something that hurts my husband’s feelings or is unkind, untrue or just plain mean, he can ask me to reframe it – and vice versa. It starts with this: “Can you pitch in around here? I’m not the only one who lives here. And by the way, your dog is hungry.” And gets reframed to this: “Can you give me a hand picking up the living room? We can probably get it done faster if we do it together. If you want, I’ll get started while you feed the dogs.” Same message, better communication. Sounds corny and it might feel weird at first, but I promise you it works. Have a discussion with your other half and see if they’d be interested in giving it a try. When you hear something that doesn’t sit well with you, ask for it to be reframed.

Appreciation – When you’ve been with someone a long time, it’s easy to forget the things you first did when you were trying to impress each other. Little things like thanking my husband and telling him how delicious my dinner is when he cooks (which is often) or telling him what a great father and grandfather he is. Because it’s true. But I also want him to know how much I appreciate what he does for us. Don’t save your gratitude for special occasions – spread it around and see how much better your relationship can be.

 

Flirtation – Just like a plant, relationships need to be nurtured. Don’t let your love die on the vine. Send a text with something flirty or sweet nothings like “thinking of you.” A hug and a kiss at the end of a long day is nice too. Or leave a love note somewhere unexpected like the bathroom mirror, lunch bag or dashboard of the car.

In one of my favorite personal development books, The Compound Effect, Darren Hardy says that he kept a journal and wrote something in it every day that he was thankful for and appreciated about his wife. He gave it to her a year later. What an amazing gift. I imagine she felt every bit as loved and desired as Jennifer Hart!

Wishing you a Happy Valentine’s Day – I hope it’s filled with love, gratitude and a little bit of Cupid’s magic.